Retirement....it's not all a bed of roses!
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I have been retired now for nearly four years having been a busy Head of Department for thirty years. Added to that I am an empty nester with both children away from home and all that that entails, tuition fees, student rents etc.. I looked forward to retirement SO much. But I hadn't anticipated the lack of focus, lack of money and lack of adventure. How do others cope? All help gratefully received!!
Responses (11)
Hi again toosie, good to see you again. Sorry to hear that you're down in the doldrums.
I am retired myself and quite like the solace and quiet that comes with it.
Hubby gets so near to retiring but somehow manages to keep going for another year plus the fact the retirement age gets pulled further and further away from him.
Poor old thing will carry on until he drops.
I fill my days pottering around the house,visiting and having visits from my five young grandchildren, cooking, walking around the coast where I live. In fact I often find there aren't enough hours in the day.
My main luxury is to sit quietly with a book or on here surfing the wonders of the WWW.
If you like to be active have you looked at helping out in a voluntary capacity? It suits some people but not everybody.
Take heart toosie, I'm sure you're not the only one feeling that this isn't what you expected from your Autumnal years and seek about joining a club or maybe even starting one up in your area for like minded folk, you never know what's around the corner.
Hi Toosie. It's the companionship you are missing most I would say from your posting. When you've led a hectic life with work and children it seems really strange that your life is suddenly your own and indeed how do you fill it. I joined a creative writing class and a literary class and also took up painting. I had an incredible time and couldn't believe people enjoyed my stories from the past. I do have a big imagination and a good memory so this helped. I didn't know I could write poetry or read everything out to the class. I joined on my own but they made me feel so wanted and the friendliness was so lovely and I loved every minute. The literary class was great also and I enjoyed all the teacher taught us. The painting was very good too and the teacher taught me so much that sometimes I get my paints out and do a picture for the walls at home. This was until my husband joined me as he took early retirement at the age of 61 years. I decided to carry on with the creative writing but gave the other two up as I wanted to spend as much quality time with him and go on holiday as often as possible in our caravan and didn't want to be tied down with classes. Our village used to have a nice get-to-gether in the local pub but unfortunately the two that ran it fell out so the club eventually fell through. Such a shame when two want to be boss as we all lost out. Now I go once a month with five of my friends to the British Legion Club and we have a great time with a laugh a minute. We have lunch out once a month with my brother and his wife and also visit elderly relatives to see they are ok. I love reading and doing puzzles and, of course, since I joined the forum this has taken a lot of my time up and my husband now thinks he's an Internet widower. I also enjoy pottering about in the garden and organising the hanging baskets and all the tubs with flowers and often am found asleep in my summerhouse which has a nice hammock which the cat and I stretch out on and listen to the water fall in the pond. All in all a very nice life and a lovely retirement. My husband is very good at preparing vegetables and is always chopping away, I cook the majority of the meals and he washes up so I think we enjoy our life very much. I hope there are some ideas in this posting for you toosie and I wish you well x
Hi Sabre, You'll be pleased to know that you made me chuckle when I read your reply. Why? Well those thirty tears of teaching I spoke of were as an Art Teacher! So I have no excuse not to busy myself with the paints and pencils eh? Shamefully I haven't put pen to paper since I left. I did try advertising my calligraphy skills for weddings but there was no response due to everyone tightening their belts. I have started cooking more but with only two of us in the house most of the time I'm starting to look like michelin man with all the food I am consuming.I too would enjoy more gardening but our weather here on the west coast of Ireland has been atrocious for months. Sounds like I am making a lot of excuses doesn't it? It really does help though to hear that people are doing very ordinary, everyday things with their lives too and in the main I'd much rather be a free agent than back in the classroom, so many thanks-you've made me feel more grateful for what I have.
Thanks you for your lovely posting toosie.
I had no idea you were an Art Teacher - you would probably have a good laugh at my efforts but I enjoy it and get thoroughly messed up it's unbelievable. I was thinking also if you had any friends to enjoy a home made meal with. I invite three of mine to an evening meal and my husband does all the washing up and clearing away so we can enjoy a good gab (as they say in Yorkshire). We share it so the next time it is one of the others. I don't go out all that much as I enjoy my home and love cooking. This week we have been decorating our bathroom which is very large and I have had more paint running up the brush than in the tin - thank goodness for rubber gloves. We have made it very nice with new curtains etc. and have thoroughly enjoyed shopping for all the "goodies" and sharing the choosing of the various new items we need.
I would guess that quite a number of the regular contributors to this forum are near or at retirement age and like the idea of passing on thoughts or help to others. For me, that 'lack of focus' is one of the most worrying feelings that come as a result of loosing the structure that the routine of a busy career gives you.
I hate telling people that I am retired as it seems to be such a conversation stopper. In any case I still feel that I would do some freelance work if it was offered to me. I like to keep up to date with what is happening in my field of interest and am in contact with many of my former colleagues who have pretty glittering careers these days. I used to travel a lot in connection with my work and met all sorts of very interesting people but I do feel a sort of 'been there done that' nowadays. I still travel a lot and I enjoy being a side-kick at the many motorsport events that my husband has participated in for many years.
I have lots of things that I would like to do and places I want to visit or revisit but money is going to be a big problem. Although we planned very carefully to achieve a good income in retirement that has disappeared in the financial crash and we will certainly not be able to do the things that we had planned for when we carefully saved and invested over the years.
Hi Sidesalad and thank you for your reply. Your last two lines sum up well the reason for my despondence (not being able to do the things we'd planned for) that I was feeling when I wrote the post. Bad weather and lack of funds made me feel like there isn't much to look forward to these days. We live in an old period house which is beginning to require a lot more maintenance now. The rain is getting in at the windows and in my old age I'm going to need a lot more heat! I am also a frustrated interior designer who previously thrived on buying bits and pieces for improving the aesthetics of the place. I don't want to have to spend money on putty, wood filler and insulation for goodness sake! Anyhow people have been really helpful here and I appreciate that I am just the same as everybody else. It's been good to talk to like minded folk!
Hi Tootsie - I understand the frustration of not being able to afford to do things around the home now that you have the time to spend on it. We are both pretty handy and practical but lack of funds stops us from doing any major projects at the moment. We will eventually sell our house and downsize but I am very fortunate to have a husband who believes that it is really to live for the moment and although he is in no way imprudent, he is happy to enjoy life now because we do not know what tomorrow will bring. We never argue about money and we are not spending without thought but equally we try to do lots of interesting things and spend time with interesting people.
Well, I'm almost 30 years off retirement but plan to spend it playing video games, watching my DVD and blu ray archive, reading all the books I've not had time to read, writing a novel or three and engaging in a whole load of social media sites.
I can't wait :)
You DO know that there are only 24 hours in a day, don't you?
OH DEAR G-MAN - Dare I say it but in 30 year's time you will probably be working until your 75 which, unless you are in prime health, won't give you the time to write 1- 3 novels or do everything you have planned. May I suggest that you get started now (well at least start to plan your novels) and I don't expect DVD's will be on the go then and blu ray will be well outdated. You will have to buy new ones now and put them away for the future. Oh be joyful it's a good laugh. p.s. keep working hard as you are now contributing to many of our retirements on the forum. With that I will wish you a good night as my cuppa is waiting and a good book.
OK, OK... I'll make sure to copy my DVD and Blu-Ray collection to data crystals and upscale them for holographic playback, if not total immersion unreality!
Hopefully my bioengineered replacement organs and cyborganic enhancements will keep me ticking over for twenty years after retiring at 80 :)
Toosie, as you are finding your home becoming troublesome and money consuming have you thought about getting a new one? You could dwnsize or just relocate to somewhere more modern that would be more maintenance free or you could do as we did and build your own! That would certainly give you something else to focus on, you'd learn loads of new skills, increase your knowledge base and have the home of your dreams. We did it with no savings or anything. It is possible.
You have no idea how many times that has crossed my mind. It really would "tick all the boxes" as they famously say in my favourite tv property programme.I admire your courage in building your own! I would love to move and get involved in all the inevitable redecoration etc.,but the selection on offer are uninspiring and my home is unbeatable-leaky and draughty but a one-off. I often browse the local estate agent's sites but the market is saturated and stagnant. A house nearby has been on the market for 3 years now and there are at least five more on the rural stretch between here and town. One of the nicest failed to sell so the builder himself moved into it. Many of the newbuilds have languished so long on the market they are now on offer as rentals. A great idea Roseangel and I'd never say never but we also couldn't afford to lose money on the one major investment we have left. So probably best to wait until the situation improves nationwide or the house threatens to slide down the hill. Whichever comes first. But speaking of learning new skills maybe a night class in maintenance this winter...seriously, I must look into that alternative. As they say when life hands you lemons, make lemonade!
We didn't intend to build but the land came up for auction and I got it for a very good price. We had no savings so decided to build what we could for the price of our original house. Which we did but in the meantime proerty prices went down so we are now renting out out old house until it comes back up to its original value. We managed to build an eco house half as big again as our old house which we have just had valued at 60% more than we paid for it. Energy bills will be very low and maintenance is simple.
Having not retired I am not qualified to answer but many organizations are always on the look out for extra helpers, to let children read out loud as a one to one, in a school, as a volunteer in a charity shop, soup kitchen etc. In hospitals the WRVS often have a tea bar, have a dabble at one or two and see where you enjoy it most, you must miss meeting people, and there are many lonely older people out there.
Can appreciate that you've done your fair share of being at school but primary schhols are always looking for people to help toosie - give as much or as little time as you like. It'd give you contact with new adults too as well as being useful - just phpne and offer if you're interested - they'll snap your hand off!
Tootsie just seen your post...I hope you are getting out and about now...I find I don't have enough hours in the day to do the things I want to do.....time passes so fast ...4 months have passed any changes?
I've been retired for a few years now, and I wonder how I ever found time to go to work!
Thanks Rosetta, I am more realistic about retirement now. I guess I was just ill prepared for it. I am a Piscean and its in the genes to fantasize of riches, adventure etc., Retirement is a reality check.
Hi toosie, like Rosetta, I've just read your post. I've been retired for almost 3 years now and I've loved it from day 1. Luckily I enjoy being by myself quite a lot. Gardening is my focus. Growing vegetables also helps the budget. If I do get bored I just get on to the internet and troll through websites, reading the news, finding information etc. Have you any pets? They make really good companions. I can honestly say that I don't know how I had time to work!! I hope by now you've settled a bit and are finding plenty to keep you going.
I hear so many people saying they don't know how they had time to go to work save24! I do understand how people can feel at a loss without their routine of getting up and going to work though, and if all your friends are work-based it must come as a shock. My parents had a dog and spent much time out walking with her, and met a lot of people that way.
Yes I have more focus now and am very busy but I miss having the resources to do anything more than the basics in life. Food, oil central heating, uni fees and rent, car fuel are all a drain on finances and leave little left. Just takes a little getting used to.
Guess I'm lucky Jazz. I enjoy my own company and living on a smallholding there's always plenty to do. My closest friends are all back in Scotland and my remaining family are scattered all over Europe. My friends down here still all work. I have cats tho and I love them to bits. I meet lots of people when I go shopping, mainly at the cat food section! Am I a saddo???
I do understand toosie but hang on in there, you'll be ok.
THanks for being there for tootsie
Save you're not a saddo!! Didn't know you were on a smallholding, what animals do you have other than cats?
tootsie ..I love Art ...Why not do some paintings or art works and sell on e bay ..I buy and sell .......look at the prices they go for on the bidding....Well, they are works of art...come on get going ..
There's an idea, or could you do commissions of people's pets for example? A friend of mine used to do that. Or maybe you could see yourself running adult education classes......? That way you'd meet people interested in similar things.
We have strolling groups here too, where people meet up and go on walks together and have a chat along the way, and you don't get stuck with anyone you don't want to be with!
Hi Jazz, just read your question. We only have geese, ducks, chickens and 1 guinea fowl nowadays. The dogs died, The fox killed the turkeys and the silkies. The pigs became too much for us. Sometimes have cows visiting when the farmer needs extra grazing for his. I would like a couple of llamas or alpacas. Mr. S would like goats but its all expense particularly in vets fees if they fall ill. Still there's plenty of wild rabbits, owls, ducks and frogs who visit regularly. The cats love it here but its so sad when they proudly enter the house with a little bunny or field mouse dangling from their mouths. I do manage t save quite a few tho - theyre not all dead on arrival!
I've only got the chickens outside - marans and polish bantums - the white sussex were killed by stoats and i cried when i found them and vowed would have no more. I'm a veggie and can't face idea of raising ainmals to be eaten but am fond of alpacas, there's quite a few near me. Lots of wild bunnies for the dog to chase, not that he'd know what to do if he caught one, if he gets too close he runs the other way, and occasional deer in the early morning. the man next door has just started breeding sheep and while I love to see and hear them he's lost several which would break my heart. I'm not cut out to be a farmer!!
Thanks Jazz, I'm not cut out for it either really. I cry for days when I lose a cat. I have four buried in a circular area in my garden which I call my "magic Circle" and I have a fuscia bush and some lavender planted to mark their wee graves.
Me too, I'm a softie! So sad when they die, such an empty space, keep looking round for them. We were talking about plants for pet graves on another thread, I always plant something new.
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Many thanks for your response. D'y know that when I first retired it wasn't unusual for my husband to find me sitting in the dark of an evening in our conservatory just savoring the fact that I had absolutely nothing to worry about or prepare for the next day. Like you my home is my solace and I just love pottering about in it too. My mother died of Altzheimer's and I have recently thought of doing voluntary work with them. My delay up to now has been my reluctance to commit to anything. Perhaps it is time to rethink.