The Art Of Chivalry. Is This On The Downward Slide In Our Society?
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Do you get the feeling that many people have lost the fundamental art in moral code of decent manners towards women in today's society? Why so?Likewise, I also feel that many women see and demand a much bigger role to play in today's society. The twenty first century has brought too much competition between men and women particularly between husband and wife. What do you think?
Responses (10)
Women are a different breed nowadays to how they were when I was growing up at home with Mum and Dad. The little wife at home doing all the chores and keeping the family life going. The husband earning all of the money and giving the wife her house keeping. Having a lovely meal when they returned home after a hard day then having a sleep afterwards. Not I hasten to add in every household but I know it was the norm for many. Nowadays they aren't in a hurry to get married and many like to lead their own lives. No longer are they dominated by men (well most of us aren't) but have their own ideas and many have excellent jobs which in some cases far exceeds their partners/husbands both in salaries and responsibility.
I'm probably old fashioned but I love a man to open a car door for me and doors etc. Last year when I went on holiday without my husband I found there was still some men who would help like lifting my case off the train and others helping me on with it. Such kindness still and nice to see
Sadly, I believe that the younger generation see politeness as a weakness to their societal status and to display chivalry opens the individual up to ridicule and contempt from their peers.
Equally, when I have held open doors for people, there is no expression of gratitude and this is infuriating. Some take this gesture as a given and believe it is your role in life to be of service to them.
I will always maintain courtesy and respect and hope to inform others that there is an alternative to the modern accepted norms that are displayed in todays society of arrogance, rudeness and attitude.
I hold doors open for whoever is close behind me, it is the way I was brought up. Surprising how many people don't acknowledge though.
Hi Parchester. You couldn't have said it better. I often stand with the door open and people walk straight through and leave me holding the door. I sometimes say a bit sarcastically "thank you" but they are hurrying off. What ignorant people they are but if you were brought up to be polite and helpful it just becomes second nature.
I get particularly incensed when I take my mother out in her wheelchair and we opt to use the automatic doors for ease and convenience and able bodied people just get in your way or stand idly around talking or texting and block your entrance or exit. (Steam is beginning to emerge form my ears!!)
One of the biggest issues in society is the basic lack of spatial awareness people have especially those with large rucksacks on their backs who turn around with consumate ease and almost knock you out or over in doing so as they haven't factored in their hunchbacked physicality and then look at you as though you shouldn't have been standing there!!
I must say I find I'm treated politely by men and I appreciate it. If someone lets me in to a queue of traffic I smile and wave then, more importantly, I will let someone else in further down the road. I think politeness breeds politeness, and a smile has worth beyond price.
I'm more of a hussy - I tend to blow them a kiss! I do let others into the queue though, and it bugs me if they don't say thank you
I do a bit of both of what Feline and Jazzj say. I often let someone in if I'm in a queue of traffic. Then there is a blast from the horn of the car behind. I give a nice wave and blow a kiss if it's a man. Often as Feline says a smile goes a long way and men seem to react rather nicely to one. I am a bit of a flirt and often help men in the supermarket if they look a bit lost and can't find what they are looking for. Old and middle aged I might add. Being nice in life doesn't cost anything and if a few more people took that stand instead of moaning all the time life would be sweeter for them.
I have noticed also that a lot of married couples seem to be arguing more especially in the supermarkets and don't seem to have any respect for each other.
So right Feline - a polite or kind act breeds goodwill just as an act of rudeness breeds anger and resentment.
Also, if I'm first in the queue at the supermarket with a whole load of stuff, I'll always let somebody behind me go first if they've only got a few items.
The surprise and delight on their faces perks me up for the rest of the day - and hopefully they'll remember it and do it for somebody else.
I still hold doors, help with bags etc. but I do think twice - sometimes an offer of help is taken to be an insult, or some think you're offering to help with a bag because you want to abscond with it!
I do think that increasingly, society tells women that if they accept help / chivalry they're being patronised or made to look weak, and tells men not to treat women any differently to men.
I'm not sure its a decline in manners towards women, I think its towards each other in general. As far as I'm concerned, I do my best to treat everyone equally. As for competition between husband and wife, I'd've thought if you're with the right person you'd be united against the world. What does cause difficulties perhaps is that both of them are spending more and more time at work.
I read with interest your positing G-Man and what you say is
very correct. Many times my husband has opened doors only
to have them slammed in his face. Offers to lift heavy objects
from a trolley to the conveyor belt at the supermarket has been
rejected and when we have been at a garden centre he has offered to help struggling women put big bags of soil in the car but all have rejected him. On the other hand I am really glad of help sometimes and would never say no. Perhaps some of us still want the past way of life but it looks like not everyone wants it.
I think that society in general (in the UK at least) has become much less polite and sometimes women mistake a polite gesture by a man as a demeaning act that should be rebuffed - what a shame!
I was on a train not long ago when a young schoolboy in smart uniform stood up to offer a standing woman his seat. She looked shocked and horrified and said 'no' in a very rude manner. The young lad looked so embarrassed that I could have cried on his behalf. So sad to treat a youngster in this way.
There seems to be confusion between politeness and courtesy and equality of opportunity for women. We should all be polite and helpful to each other regardless of sex.
I couldn't agree more, Sidesalad, that's exactly my thoughts on this. I'm frequently shocked and sometimes appalled by the lack of politeness and simple good manners in both sexes these days, but particularly women.
I have lots of male friends and they often tell me they feel exactly like G-Man does, some have said they're afraid to hold a door open for a woman as they don't know, and I quote, 'whether she will thank me or slap my face!' I would smile and thank anyone for holding a door open for me, male or female, and equally I would hold a door open for a man or a woman.
I also think people are generally more polite in the country than they are in cities, but maybe that's just because the pace of life is less hectic and we 'bumpkins' are not all rushing around all the time trying to be first on or off the train, or across the road etc.
Mind you, I'm one of those people who apologises when other people walk smack into me, and I thank cash machines! :-)
How embarrassing for him Sidesalad. He will probably never offer again in case the same thing happens. He was obviously brought up well and well done to him. I probably would have said "how rude" (mouth in motion again).
It's sad that we all seem to have stories of rudeness in everyday life. Being busy is no excuse in my book but it is true that people seem to be more polite in rural areas. Cycling around the village today I spoke to at least four people, none of whom I know, about the fine weather that we had today.
I am often in France and find all generations there to be much more polite than in the UK. When entering a shop people always say 'good morning' to everyone and in rural areas always pass the time of day in the street. No Frenchwoman would baulk at having a door held open for her!
I still like to be treated as a woman CS, I like it when a gentleman holds the door open for me etc.
My hubby as was my father are two of the nicest gentlemen I've yet to meet, maybe because we're all 'old school'.
When feminism became more to the fore I was glad of it especially in the work place but as for burning my bra ooh no that would never do, perish the thought!!
I like it too, Sabre, and I'm definitely 'Old School'.
As for the bra burning, nowadays I'd probably get bruises on my knees!
"I'd probably get bruises on my knees!" Feline? Could you bring me up to speed on that one?
OK, Snoops, perhaps if I tell you a joke to illustrate the point.
An elderly lady was so depressed by the deterioration of her once lovely body that she decided to end it all by shooting herself through the heart.
Wanting to make sure she got ir right, she phoned her doctor to confirm the exact location of the heart. The doctor told her it was behind her left breast.
The next day she was admitted to hospital having shot herself through her left kneecap.
Get it now?
Thank you Feline for that delightful iilustration ... ha! Reminds me of the old joke .....
"What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? ....... If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!"
Penned apparently by that Chinese philosopher,
Tu Hun Lo
You're welcome!
Sometimes I see this competition between men and women as perception rather than an actual need. Everyone likes to be treated like an equal and any breakdown of respect always leads to trouble. And it's very much a two way thing. We are never taught about making a relationship successful unless we actually ask for help. And making a relationship successful can be hard work at times ... i.e. you do have to work at it.
I have always found that women that put up hard exteriors and act defensively actually all have soft centres and yearn to be treated nicely and with affection. And you often have to work hard to get them to admit it.
And if men were man enough to admit it, we all love a bit in return!
We are increasingly becoming an insular society. Where people keep themselves to themselves and not involve themselves with others for fear of the response they will get.
Manners, etiquette and chivalry are all attitudes and societal systems of a by-gone and a long-gone age. To possess them is to be seen as a weakness in todays fast paced, self focused and ignorant society.
Where are the role models on the national stage?
True equality has created competition, which isn't about being equal but better. With this an element of respect has also disappeared.
Agree people becoming more insular Parchester, no one wants 'to get involved' these days. Its not always the young who have no manners sadly, I've lost count of the amount of times my children have stood up to give someone a seat, or held a door open and not even got a thank you
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I'd love someone to open a car door for me!! I too trsvel by train (in fact I'm off tonight for a few days to catch up with my mum) and find a lot of people do pitch in and help others in need generally, other than in London of course
That's an interesting one. Jazzj.
My husband walks with a stick, and commutes to London every day. He says he's often offered a seat on the tube, mostly by young asian women!