How should couples handle their finances?
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Interesting discussion in the press today about advice for couples and how they should handle their finances ... single or jointly? His account, her account and 'our' account?
When I got married, it seemed natural to have a joint account to pool all resources and income and share it with trust and devotion. And we shared that joint account until my wife passed away 28 years later.
But from what I am seeing that is not a modern trend. I interview a lot of people and all I see is couples with their own bank accounts. It's almost as if they wish to remain financially independent but pool monies for essentials only. And this is the same whether they are married or just cohabiting. To find couple with joint accounts is not that common nowadays.
I guess I am old fashioned but if I remarried, I would love to see joint names on a cheque book again. Indeed, my greatest trauma was seeing my wife's removed when she had gone. Very much the final straw in a way.
I know that every situation is different but I wondered what everyone's views are on this?
Responses (11)
Hi Snoopy, your way is one of the best as long as both have full access, discuss finances openly and are financially responsible. In the days gone by, the wife handled the money and the man might get some pocket money. In some countries this is still the case and if you tried it differently her family would be on your back.
Nowadays there are far too many complications in trying to run our lives to operate in that manner.
Currently we have separate accounts but we both know what is in each others account and regularly transfer money between them. This is only because my wife is not a UK resident and still needs to operate finances in her own country.
It all comes down to trust and commitment and that can only be total. If there is any need for separate or private accounts then that does not bode well for the future of the relationship.
My view only.
My daughter and her husband both work and have separate accounts but are totally open and honest with each other. They each pay for their own personal expenses (eg insuring their own cars) but share their joint expenses, such as the mortgage, household bills, things for the children etc.
It seems a perfectly sensible arrangement to me!
Well, Snoops, we decided, even before we got married, that our finances were totally joint. But we don't have a joint bank account as we both like to be in control of our own finances.
We transfer money to and from each other when we need to, and it works very well.
I'd definitely have separate accounts if I were married, with a joint account for joint household bills. Wouldn't want the wife to know about that account in the Caymans in the event of a divorce, would I?
It seems to be a developing modern trend to keep finances separate probably, I suspect, to keep separate identities within a relationship which may not be entirely bad.
My thought is however, if people share there finances as convenient, how do they share their hearts?
Call me old fashioned .....
Times have changed, Snoops, how couples organise their money is more suited to modern living, but love (or sharing hearts!) is timeless and has nothing to do with money. :-)
Very true, fruits!
My partner and I are financially independent, for the most part. It suits us very well, as we both have totally different priorities for my money.
We do have one joint account, but no strict rules as to what's put in and when. It's for major things; a future marriage, future children, and a future mortgage, but we simply put in what we like, when we like.
Me & my wife have separate bank accounts. But that is purely for tax reasons. Its more tax efficient for us to have savings in her name. Saying that, since I manage all the finances for the household, she normally doesn't know how much money is in each of the accounts in her name. I have to remind her to go online and check accounts to ensure that the money I transferred to her account has actually arrived.
sounds like me i lost my wife 6yrs ago we had joint accounts however there are benefits to keeping them separate should anything go wrong as in our case such as death as there debt dies with them that doesnt mean the partner wouldnt help to pay whilst both alive
I'm old fashioned too and we have always had joint bank accounts. That's our choice and suits us both.
However, we have a friend who did not have a joint account with her husband and got into debt. Her husband knew nothing about it until it was over £10K.
They are now paying the debt off together but I can't help thinking that if they had shared a joint account it would not have happened or at least not have become such a large amount.
Hi palspal and welcome to the forum.
I can't help thinking that separate bank accounts somehow suggest separate identities in a relationship. Yes, it is an old fashioned view for sure but it's good to find someone that shares it!
Hello Snoopy and thank you for the welcome.
Having joint bank accounts makes life easier too. We have 3 separate types of joint bank accounts with the same bank: current, savings and a payments/DD/SO account.
We often have to chase up the bank's mistakes. We once received a summons because they had forgotten to pay our rates bill.
The thought of the chaos the bank could cause with multiple accounts in two separate names at the same address doesn't bare thinking about.
We had friends who did a similar thing with credit cards, neither knew quite how much the other had in debts (don't people talk?) and managed to buid up £18k on cards. They both used to juggle cards and take out the latest 0% offers until they dried up, only then did they realise what a mess they had made.
I have a theory that most arguements within married life have their basis in money so the answer is carefully, very carefully!
Oh that's brilliant! :) You are SO right.
A timely comment, jajajanie ... today's press reports attacks on women in the home have soared by more than 2000 a week since the start of the recession. Some 120,000 more cases of domestic violence were reported to police last year, up 17% in just two years. Sandra Horley, head of charity Refuge, said poverty and unemployment 'exacerbate the violence'. Money, or the lack of it, has a lot to answer for.
In my view, by making statements like that, the Ms Horleys of this world are just giving SOME men an excuse to act violently towards their wives/partners.
I do all the financial transactions in our marriage. We have joint accounts with exception of one which I transfer money into every month to cover all Insurances, car tax anything to do with the caravan. This, of course includes one moggy. I do detailed spread sheets of comings and goings and print it out at the end of the month which then hopefully balances with the bank statement. My husband leaves it all to me and as long as I fill his wallet up each month he couldn't give a jot. It's less hassle for him and he can see what we have anytime he opens up the computer and looks which he cannot be bothered to do. Trust is a great thing to have and once it is broken it's a big betrayal by the person you love.
Your situation sounds just like ours, Sabre, except that we still have our own personal current accounts.
We transfer money between them as necessary and I act as the household administrator, leaving Mr F free to concentrate on bringing home the bacon!
When I was married, I managed the money for the first 15 years or so, because my husband was hopeless with money. Eventually I taught him how to manage the household accounts and he took over for the next 10 years.
He's an incredibly intelligent man, two degrees... one in astrophysics!!...but couldn't get his head round such mundane things as the gas bill! I do hope his current partner appreciates the effort I put in! :-)
My wife and I have a shared current account and credit card and have since we were married. All savings that are not in an ISA are in her name as she is not a tax payer.
If she felt the need she could leave me a pauper but a marriage without trust is no marriage.
That's the only way to be Korpwood. My ex husband and I had separate accounts and he ran all sorts of debt up without me knowing, and I no had access to any money without asking him first. A very controlling man, and I'm well rid of him :)
Sounds as if he was living in the Victorian days Jazzj. You should have had an equal access to any money being Man and Wife and you must have felt rather belittled in a marriage of this kind. No wonder you are so happy now you have your freedom.
sabre, you wouldn't believe how much happier i am now, feel like I've escaped from prison!!
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Nicely put Sealate ... as you say, it's all down to trust and commitment and frankly I think there are a lot of relationships out there who are 'boding' well!
Well said, Sealate. I must say if a married couple can't have that trust and commitment in financial matters I would question whether they should have got married in the first place.
As I said in my earlier post Mr F and I have separate accounts, but purely for practical reasons so that one of us doesn't accidentally cause an overdraft by not being totally sure how much money is or isn't in the account.
The way it works is that I pay most of the bills, as the 'household administrator', then each month I calculate how much I need on top of my pension and Mr F transfers it to me. Our bank accounts remain in order and the main income earner just has to do one transaction a month, leaving him free to concentrate on more important things.
Completely agree with the trust and commitment part but we have to acknowledge it is perfectly possible to love someone you know is hopeless with money